6/2 9:42

Hi I love you. I’m glad I got to wake up and talk to you baby. I’m gonna go shower and go to the post office. I love you a lot.

15 minutes ago  /  0 notes

6/1 10:15pm

I miss you a lot. If you by chance get to read this when I’m sleeping, please call and wake me up love. I miss your voice and I love you so so very much.

11 hours ago  /  0 notes

6/1 9:29pm

It’s really weird being up at night and not waiting for you to wake up and text me.. I hate it ! Going to bed not knowing when I’ll talk to you next really sucks. Can you even mail me a letter ? This is worse then bootcamp. At least then I got letters and knew you were safe ! Oy.

Im probably going to go to bed early. Pretty tired and I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep late tomorrow since I’m used to waking up so early. I love you so much and I really miss you. I can’t wait to send you this box tomorrow morning.

12 hours ago  /  0 notes

6/1 8:06pm

Hi, I just finished setting up your box. I’m gonna mail it out in the morning. I thought I got a bunch of stuff but now I wish I got more, but this is all that could really fit in here I guess. Idk I hope you like it.

I miss you a lot baby. I’m sorry about before, I guess just being home alone gives me too much time to think and be upset with the situation. I keep thinking that if I were gone for a year doing something, you wouldn’t be doing what I am. I highly doubt youd never go out in the city or anything like that. You went out without me when you were home. I don’t want to feel this way and I hate that I do. I want to know that you’d do and give up the same things that I do now. I know you say you appreciate how committed I am to you but lately I don’t feel it. I say I’m miserable, you just say I love you. You never say call someone and go to dinner and get some drinks or go do this or go do that, you tell me to hang out with my mom who I fight with half the time or to “take it easy”. You would flip out if it was the other way around. Even when you were home it was always what you wanted to do. Yeah I definitely had a say but more times then not if I didn’t want to hang out with people, we would. If I didn’t want to be up all night in Shirley, we would be. I always followed your lead whether I liked it or not and you know it. There were times i did everything you wanted and never said a thing bc i was petrified of messing things up with you. And then more recently You were leaving for this and that’s fine but I don’t want things to be like that when you get home.

I’m not trying to make a case or anything to like go out, or piss you off, I just don’t want to feel like this. Ive been thinking about this a lot lately. I really do believe that you want to make me happy and I hope you take all this the right way instead of getting defensive and mad at me for saying it. I want you to acknowledge this and talk to me about it. It doesn’t have to be right away, I would never pressure you when you have all this going on.. It’s just something I need us to deal with at some point.

I love you so much Matt ! You’re my best friend in the whole world and I’m sorry if you don’t wanna talk about stuff sometimes, I just want us to deal with crap instead of let it pile up and get too big to fix. You’re the most important thing in the world to me. Even now I don’t want to post this bc I don’t want to upset you, but I have to tell you how I feel and what I’ve been thinking.

The most important thing about all this though is that I love you. I love you with all my heart, no matter what. You’re my everything and I middle finger promise that nothing will ever change that or make me love you less or anything. I love you unconditionally without a doubt in my mind. What I feel sometimes aren’t doubts, they are just from being apart and wanting us to stay close and perfect together lol. I really love you. And I REALLY miss you. And I do feel a little better getting this all off my chest.

I love you love you love you.

12 hours ago  /  0 notes

6/1 3:03pm

No matter what, I love you more than anything. Even if I’m mad sad or angry or you’re mad sad or angry or away. At the end of every day I just love you Schmatt.

18 hours ago  /  0 notes

6/1 12:45pm

Sorry about before. I guess I just expected you to at least acknowledge what I wrote. I know you’re obviously busy and have a lot going on but i can’t help but feel a little idk pissed off that you just ignore me being unhappy. Everything I do, I do for you and right now its making me miserable and it doesn’t seem to phase you in the least. So.. Idk. I don’t know what to say. I guess like with my mom I just won’t say anything at all. I love you, I’ll write more later.

21 hours ago  /  0 notes

6/1 7:52am

Your stupid picture is the first thing I see on fb when I go online to make sure I’m available to chat if you come on and it made me cry. Good job.

1 day ago  /  0 notes

5/31 9:44pm

Oh baby.. Vvvhere are you ?

I’m thinking of just taking half a Xanax and going to bed now.. Im tired but really anxious and idk if I’ll sleep. I woke up a lot last night and was up at like 5 bc I had another dream you didn’t want to be around me when you got home :( idk what’s wrong w me and why I have dreams like that !!

I’m sure you’re thinking of me like I’m thinking of you now.. If you’re awake.. Idk. I have no idea what’s going on love. I hope you will call sometime tonight.. I will turn my phone volume all the way up.

I love you so so very much schmatthew. You’re my world baby. I love you I love you I love you.

1 day ago  /  0 notes